The Guard Post aka GP506 (2008)

I’m not a fan of the military, which, these days is the modern equivalent of saying that you’re an HIV positive child molester, but I was never one to shy away from controversy. The fact is that I will always be against any institution that treats racist, sexist and homophobic behaviour as normal and believes that civilian law does not apply to it. The army breeds violent psychopaths as standard, while being lorded as heroes, when they return from committing atrocities apparently in MY name.

You should know by now children, that it is not wise to take The Gore Whore’s name in vain …

Whichever way you want to dress it up, a job in an army is, just that – a job, and there is more chance of me getting down on my knees and worshipping at the altar of Peter Andre than canonising someone that chose to go out and blow someone up for playing for the wrong team. If they die while doing the job that they signed up for then so be it, they knew what they were getting into and you can’t expect to run around guns blazing and not expect to be an enemy in someone else’s game of Call of Duty. If people die at your hand, that makes you a killer, no matter what fancy dress outfit or uniform you stepped out in that day.

War is hell kid, and you cant expect to wander into hell and have a tea party.

A Guard Post is a station on the demilitarised zone in South Korea, in which soldiers do a three month duty without being allowed to leave their post. After a messy turn of events in one of them, all but one of the twenty one military personnel assigned the post are dead and Sergeant Major Noh has been given the undesirable job of travelling to GP 506 along with the MP and uncovering what went down behind those fortified concrete doors. If he can do this without incriminating or bringing shame to the son of the Army Chief, who just happened to be one of this merry band, he may just be lucky enough to keep his job when he gets back home. If he ever does get back home, that is.

As a fan of Korean horror I had high expectations when I sat down to watch this, but fifteen minutes of Poe faced dialogue, a smattering of fake blood and hints of mysterious goings on and I’ve got to say this film is an excellent, fast acting sedative if nothing else. It could have been something special, or at the very least watchable, but it was far too dry and humourless to make a good horror film. Or film for that matter. It’s aspirations were paranoia, claustrophobia, and tense atmospherics, but it’s predictable story arc and drawn out wordiness made it mind numbingly boring, and me suicidal by the time the halfway point had been reached.

With a splash of laughs this average military horror could have been decent marriage of Outpost meets The Bunker, but it’s severe approach to storytelling and patience testing length made it horrifying, but in more of a stuck in a lift with muzac on a loop kind of way.

Definite points for trying to make a twisty, uniformed creepfest, but I recommend a big old avoid, unless you really need a cure for your insomnia.

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This entry was posted in critique, fiction, film and media, horror, opinion, pop culture, rant and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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