The Loved Ones (2009)


I never really got the concept of dances or proms. Big hair, big dresses, lame tunes, enough awkwardness to make Emo Phillips feel at home, and all this with no alcohol. Yeah. Remember those days? Don’t miss them much do you? I mean, don’t got me wrong, I’m not one of those people who cant have fun without alcohol, but when I’m not having the most fantastic night of my life, I prefer my misery to be accompanied by liquor of the hardest kind. Dances, well they come under the heading of organised fun and we all know that that’s an oxymoron in itself, and in my experience attended and ran by them (morons that is), so it’s not surprising that all the expectation coupled with and fumes from the hairspray and perfume, makes folk a little crazy.
Sort of like a wedding with training wheels.

Therein lies the horror.

The Loved Ones is the story of a high school dance. Brent has issues, he’s emotionally stunted, has Daddy issues and needs to run a comb through his hair, but apparently the chicks dig that these days, because he has a girlfriend and another very determined admirer who both want him as their teddy in a tuxedo. Being an honourable sort he chooses his girlfriend Holly, but Lola his would be date, isn’t the sort that hears a refusal, and if she hears it, she doesn’t take it very well at all. Luckily for Brent though, his Daddy issues pale in comparison to Lola’s. Prepare to vomit in your mouth a little and swallow it back down.

Australia is fast becoming a favourite on the horror scene, with intelligent fare such as Lake Mungo and The Horseman standing out in a sea of kill by numbers releases flooding the market elsewhere and disappointing fans, but The Loved Ones is truly a work of art.
Sixteen Candles meets Misery and Prom Night on their way to visit the Texas Chainsaw Massacre, seems a pretty good way to describe the way this film pans out. It’s visually stunning, incredibly dark, intelligently twisted, sometimes heartbreakingly sad, and on top of all of that, it made me laugh. Out loud.

Yeah, LOL bitch.

The Loved Ones is the film that Carrie wishes it could be – because let’s all face the fact that Carrie sucked, and certainly didn’t have the sweet, original soundtrack that this did.

Australia 1 – Stephen King – 0

No change there then.

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This entry was posted in critique, film and media, horror, opinion, pop culture, rant, stream of consciousness, Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

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