Stag Night (2008)

Subways, tunnels, trains .. They’re all pretty creepy locations, as a rule they generally smell funky (and not in a ‘Hey, white boy, play the music that is‘, kinda way), you never know who you’re going to meet there (but you’re pretty sure it’s less Johnny Depp, and more that bloke that has a pet shoe), and sometimes when you’re smack bang in the middle of them, you feel like you’ll never see daylight again (just me then ..). How is it then, that recent attempts at bringing the true spine chilling horror of these places to life (2004’s promising but ultimately ridiculous, Creep and the 2008 Hostel homage (*cough* rip off) Train), have not so much raised goose bumps but my arms as I stretched and yawned.

Has this film succeeded where others sat down at the first hurdle and read magazines?

Of course not.

Stag Night is the story of a group of young bucks out on the town celebrating a friend’s ‘Stag Night’ (clever title huh?), or ‘bachelor party’ as they call it over that pond that separates words, spellings and popular phrases. After being thrown out of a strip club, the boys catch a subway train to their next destination, but after a scuffle with a couple of strippers, some mace and a not at all idiotic move to disembark the train in the early hours of the morning, they end up stranded in the tunnels with only the rats and feral, homeless savages. The age old problem (or about 25 years) of no mobile phone signal (which makes me wonder what we use the damn things in the first place) and many consecutive bad decisions (each more irritatingly stupid than the last ..) lead to a lot of running around in the dark and blood on the tracks.

It’s Wrong Turn meets Creep in New York.

Because we all needed that movie to be made right?

There’s nothing bad about this film, in fact, the acting and FX are pretty decent, but it just lacks the imagination, humour, and quirkiness that a horror like this requires to make it watchable, but moreso likable. It also didn’t help that the camera work was so shaky that the DVD should come with a free pack of motion sickness medication just to sweeten the deal. One day horror directors will realise that no one likes the camera wobble, and rather than adding to the atmosphere, it just tends to piss people off.

People like me.

All in all, body bags of potential, but let down by predictable scripting and a penchant for the cheese factor.

P.S – the flawed logic award goes to Stripper Number One – ‘Hey, you sure you’re going to be ok? You don’t know this guy!’ Said as she wanders off in the subway tunnels with a group of guys she doesn’t know.

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