The Human Centipede (2009)
Every so often a film comes along that becomes a cult phenomenon either through internet forum chat between horror obsessive’s or disgusted media frenzy warning us to steer clear (which lets face it, is the best recommendation a film can get). Whispers among horror fans have been fuelling this particular films buzz for the past year now and when something is so hyped it cant possibly live up to expectations right?
The Human Centipede is a horror masterpiece both in concept and execution and it really doesn’t hurt that our villain reminds me of the mad doctor in Nightmare Before Christmas.
The story follows two American girls on a European road trip who, on route to meeting a cute boy at a party break down and get lost in the woods in Germany.
After wandering around inappropriately dressed in the rain for an hour or so (as you do) they find a house.
Well you know that’s never a good thing in one of these set ups is it now?
So who opens the door but a guy who couldn’t look more like Jeffrey Dahmer if he had just won first prize in a Jeffrey Dahmer look a like contest, and well girls being extremely stupid girls, they go on inside.
So in top serial killer protocol the German Jeffster pretends to phone the AA or whatever the hell it is they have over there, he gives them water laced with rohypnol and well, then the fun can begin.
After spending a life time separating Siamese twins the retired surgeon bored with putting ships in bottles, drinking Pimms and whatever hell else retired folk get up to these days, decided he would like to do the reverse operation by attaching fleshy links instead of severing them – because that is neither messed up or implausible, but hey, what did you expect?
A failed attempt at achieving this with his three beloved rottweiler’s creates the idea in his crazy town of a head space that a human centipede is the way forward.
How can this be done you ask? Well by attaching three unfortunate’s ass to mouth and creating one long digestive system. well shucks miss gorewhore, I dont mean to be impolite but how would they go potty you ask ?
I repeat – ass to mouth.
(Oh yeah – that face you’re pulling while that mental picture rapes your brain – I was right there with ya Cheech)
And that’s all I have to say on the very unsavoury matter.
Now the film itself is nowhere near as gory as it was proclaimed, but I cant deny its as twisted and sick as I’ve ever seen, and that, my little amigos is no mean feat believe me.
There are subtitles (for those that need a warning) and its not for the fainthearted. Its not a feel good movie or indeed something that you want to break out on family night and watch with grandma and the parentals, but goddamn it, if you think you have the stones for this little black sheep of the horror genre, then I salute you.
It aint pretty people, but good horror never should be.