Film review – Dolls (1987)


This is one of my favourite horror B movies of all time – the 80’s was pure horror Disneyland in my eyes and what is a scarier subject than those fugly porcelain dolls that weird old ladies and little girls like to line their shelves with?
First off this film is 80’s horror gold, from the eerie childlike score to the perfect blend of tongue in cheek humour and cheap scares.
The characters – a cute little girl called Judy, her arsehole of a self-centred, uncaring father and his new Cruella de Ville-esque wife, end up taking refuge at a dilapidated old mansion in the heart of jolly old England ( as Hollywood views it) along with a lovable chubby geek and two con artist hitchhikers he’s picked up along the way (who by the way are the worst ‘mockney’ punks I have ever seen in my entire B movie watching career.)
They are greeted by the elderly Gabriel (a toy maker) and his white haired wife who sort of reminds me of one of the fairy godmothers in Sleeping Beauty.
Anyway … they are all sent of to there respective rooms but as you have probably guessed (gasp) not every member of this ramshackle group survive the night.
The death scenes, below par by anyone’s standards but very entertaining at the least – I refer you to the toy soldier murder scene and defy anyone with a soul not to love it . Not enough gore, and I’d love a bit more back story to our snow haired hosts because gosh darn it – I liked them, but the dolls ,my god those dolls were grotesque – nobody likes those glass eyed midgets when they are inanimate pacifists but stick tiny little knives in there hands and you have yourself the perfect silly horror monster.
What I haven’t mentioned is my favourite thing of all about the 80’s little contribution to the horror genre – morality. There’s always a moral, that they don’t try to bury much deeper than face value and Dolls is no exception. The way to survive a horror movie in this decade is to be good, and pure and without some mean ulterior motive. Well you so much as wrap your tongue round a four letter word and you’re a gonner sweet cheeks.
So everyone gets whats coming to them, it never fails to make me smile, and it’s a little known film gem that’s ticks all the right boxes.
The Doll’s have it all, and that includes a heavy cache of weapons apparently

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